you are still God

there are several things running through my head and i need to just relax. i need to stop – breathe – and pray. i need to let out all of my anxieties to the Father and allow for him to deal and work it all out for me. im way too impatient. i want instant results, i want to know what the future holds for me without ever reaching it.

im having so much fun with life right now. i want to put everything in slow motion and just enjoy it before its over. i guess i want to know what the future holds because im afraid that im allowing myself get in too deep. there is a fear of being hurt, there is a fear of being let down…of being disappointed.

isnt it crazy how a few moments can make you forget all of your worries…like at hunger and thirst tonight. i walked in and there was such a spirit of worship in the room that i was overwhelmed with such a strong desire to jump around and shout (which i didn’t jump…i did shout) that i instantly forgot what i was worried about on my walk to bush chapel. i kept my eyes closed during my worship because i didnt want the strong focus on the Father to disappear because it was so precious. the moment i opened my eyes, i saw someone – a sudden thought rushed into my head – and i felt i was letting go of Jesus’s hand and i quickly closed my eyes again to hang on tight. why can’t i have that reasurrance all the time? why must it only be during times of live worship and praise….porque?

mi mente siempre esta corriendo. no hay quien lo pueda parar. me desespero al pensar en todo lo que estoy viviendo – i want to turn my mind off sometimes with how much i think. but im truly learning to just breathe. take life one day at a time, and to not worry about what tomorrow brings me. what i really need to do is stop wearing my heart on my sleeve so much and instead only be so vulnerable to the Father, that way i’ll really be allowing him to take care of me.

tomorrow is a new day. through every season – He is still God, and i will worship him no matter what my circumstances are. i want to remember that in my times of impatience, in the times when things seem like such bliss and in the times when im so darkened by confusion.

ah, my thoughts are a mess. my apologies.


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