fastforward

my mind has been racing with thoughts all week, and the thoughts have gotten deeper during this break. i feel i’ve pushed too much back that it’s all rushing back to me, and is flooding my mind. i really want to fastforward my life – i want to see where i am, this time next year. i want to know if all of this waiting is worth it, if im even fighting for the right things. i want to know what i need to do or not, i want to know if the choices im making now are even the rights ones and i want to know the consequences of everything. a year flew by. another year wont hurt. even though it does. i say what i dont really feel, i just need to convince myself. im trying to block out every negative feeling this situation brings me that im forget to realize what im truly feeling… and i realize a little too late. after the tears were shed, after all those things were said. i want to rewind and fastforward. i want to know what it is that truly matters – i want to know which emotions are real and which ones are deceiving me. my heart is so torn – i am pulled at every side and i see every side of this sitatuation. the good and the bad. all the pro’s and all the con’s. Father, give me that sweet peace and clarity that I so desperately long for and so desperately need. I want the reassurance that I had…with whatever decision you’ve had me make… Time, fastforward!!

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