daddy

Ahh, summer is here. I’m excited to see what I’ll be doing. My dad’s here from Colombia and I don’t think I could express exactly the way it makes me feel – but nonetheless, I will try. I saw him last night for the first time since last August. He looks the same, sandy hair and extremely tan. He’s lookin’ a lil older but still the same. He hugged me and said I looked a little “fuller”, hahaha – I’m not gunna lie – I was a little offended. But he meant I looked more like a woman now 🙂 He kept staring at me and would ask me random questions throughout the hour that I was over there. He asked me about school, Stephen and life. But in all of it, he just kept looking at me. I could imagine the thoughts in his head – I imagine a little film playing in his mind of how fast I’ve grown up and what’s to become of me. I’m getting to a point where as much as I respect him and would never dare call him out on a single thing – I want to. I want to ask him all the questions that I myself want anwers to. I want to know why he’s choosing to live the way he’s living, but I know it’s going to hurt him. But I want him to change. I want him to be healthy enough to walk me down the aisle on my wedding day. I want him to be there when my first child is born and I want him to be there to see them grow up. It’s a constant prayer, it’s a constant plead for his salvation. It’s worth the fighting, the confrontation, the initial awkwardness. I’m going to do it this summer. I’ll be here the entire summer, I want to stick around for him. I have to stay here for him. I know the power that Jesus holds and I know how strongly He loves my daddy and doesn’t want him to be so…. sad? Sad might be the right word, but I think miserable, lonely and torn would do too. My family doesn’t understand. Why don’t they get it? Why can’t they see Jesus the way I see Him? It doesn’t even have to be the exact way that I see Him, but why can’t they at least SEE Him?! There is so much pride, so much money, so many mistakes that were made that they are afraid to face. The strongholds are ridiculous. The fear is insane. I don’t have the right words to say, I’d be disrespectful if I confronted them. But I have to. I need to.

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