Saying goodnight.

There is no reason to never show someone that you love them. There should not be moments of such anger, that you refuse to kiss someone goodnight. There should not be moments where you do not go to a place, because someone you have issues with is there. We can’t just avoid the hardships and forget to tell people around us that we love them. I saw a movie once, where there was a little boy off to school in the morning and he was in a hurry that he did not stop to kiss his mother goodbye. The mother yelled for him and said, “You didn’t kiss me goodbye!” The little boy said, “Oh Mom, I’ll see you when I come home from school!” And he continued to run off. The mother looked sad because he refused to return for a proper goodbye and later that day – the boy was kidnapped and didn’t get to see his mother when he came home from school, because he didn’t come home from school.

I always tell my mother when either of us take international trips, that I might never see her again so I want to say my loving farewells. She instantly snaps back and tells me “not to say those things,” but I can’t help believing that there is always that possibility that you will not see that person again.

Last night I went to bed upset. I didn’t say my sweet goodnights like I always do and it really affected me when I woke up this morning. I woke up at 6:30am and was already annoyed. My mind was already thinking about the last conversation I had before I went to bed, and I couldn’t believe it. I didn’t dream or anything last night and I always have dreams. But I fell asleep thinking about it and woke up with it on my mind. I allowed for a small argument to infiltrate my mind all through the night – which provoked negative thoughts and I was thinking irrationally. I tend to assume the worst when someone goes wrong, so my mind was racing. I woke up with thoughts that were not true and I know I was allowing for my anger to get the best of me.

What if I would have tried to fix the situation in the moment, what if I would have fought for the cause of simply being able to love on someone instead of fighting with them, before going to bed. Anger is malice, it’s evil and certainly not the fruit of the Spirit. I did feel the inclination to continue talking until everything was resolved, but my eyes were so heavy with sleep that I couldn’t make it. But it was on us both, we both should have put aside the indifference at the moment and made sure that we were on good terms before going to bed.

As much of a temper as I might have, I really dislike it. I cannot allow for it to control me. I missed a night, although it was just one night out of thousands I’ll have with him, to tell him I love him and how much it means to talk – even if it’s for 5 minutes in the car, from place to place.

All that the Bible says about denying our flesh and giving up our rights is astonishingly true. There is a greater joy when we put ourselves to the side, for the benefit of others. I couldn’t begin to properly imagine what Jesus felt as He was here on Earth – all the times He might have wanted to fight back, all the times He might have wanted to say “whatever” to the entire reason He was here. We are called to be like Christ, we are called to find ourselves in Christ – not to find just ourselves.

This moment last night, helped me find myself in Christ – as tiny and insignificant it could have been – it meant a great deal to me this morning, as I tried to hit the snooze button on my cellphone waking me up at 6:30 in the morning.

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