The heart of life

Difficult conversations. They are awkward, uncomfortable but must be done. As I write this, I am sitting on my bed just waiting for one to be had. And the person in which I will be having this conversation with is also in the room. My heart is panting and I would much rather not even confront this situation at all. The whole topic of dicussion that is awaiting is messy and emotional – it deals with past relationships and present ones. It deals with all the why’s and the if’s. It deals with two friends who are now taking different paths, and it’s heavy on their hearts.

When you spend a lot of time with someone, I believe your souls are somehow knitting themselves together. It goes along with why we shouldn’t spend so much time with certain people, the people that aren’t “good” for us. You are easily influenced by each other. A part of your soul opens towards that person and you let them see the sides of you that not a lot of people see. You take it personal when they don’t want to see you. You become more vulnerable than expected and it’s all because you enjoy the company of this person so much that you begin to sacrfice things for them – you cancel plans because of them, you stop hanging out with certain people as much, you go out of your way for them. You spend almost every day together and people start to say how alike you both are. You find yourself saying the same things they do or dressing the way they do. You become so molded into each other’s lives that when the bond that once held you so close together starts to crack, it begins to hurt. Sure…you understand why it’s happening, but you can’t help but hurt because of it.

I’m not sure how to end this. Maybe I’ll have more to say after this conversation happens. (Which by the way, we’ve been in the same room together for over 30 minutes and I finally caved and said “We should talk about this now” and they were hesitant and told me to wait…)

But all I want to tell her is that despite the decisions she is choosing to make, my love for her won’t change. The companionship we both share/shared meant more to me than she knows…so maybe that’s exactly what I need to tell her. That there is nothing she could do that won’t make me love her, there is nothing she could do to make me turn my face away.

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