Archive for May 5th, 2010

May 5, 2010

Beautiful chaos

(I have had the most views today than I have ever had on this blog, so I figured I’d give you all something new to read since you’re already here anyway …)

I’m engaged. Wait…what? This is insane. My head is spinning right now because of all that I have to do. Will left yesterday back to Charlotte and I’m left in Lakeland with all the hype of what is going on. Honestly, all I want to do right now is be able to see Will, be done with my finals and focus on this wedding. But right now, I can’t. I have to focus on my final that I have in 2 hours, I have to focus on packing my entire room up for home and I have just one more final left on friday. This brings me to a place where I find myself thinking “I want to be done. Forget it all, I’ve checked out weeks ago.” I’m a little anxious, and even a little worried.

In the beautiful chaos that is going on around me I am still finding time to spend with my Creator. With the first Love of my life, with the One who is making all of this happen. It would be so easy for me to focus in on myself, Will and our future together. But I cannot allow for that to be the center of my life…ever. The center of my life is Jesus Christ, and all that he is. Fortunately enough that includes Will, and I will never have to live without him. We will be doing this entire thing together, our lives will become one and it cannot come soon enough.

We are mesmerized by the effortless, it’s easier to play on our iphone’s for a half hour than it is to sit in a silent room and pray. But I promise that the more time you spend in prayer, disciplining yourself, it becomes very natural. You will gravitate towards spending time alone, than filling your space with noise. And not only that, but you gain more confidence that God is with you in every situation. He knew I would be engaged on May 3rd of 2010. He also knew that I would want to focus on solely that right away but he also knew that that wouldn’t be possible. So I feel a grace as I sit here and type this out to you. I am reminded of all those around us who are so willing to help us in whatever way they can, to make this easier for us and we didn’t even ask them. Every possible detail we could have missed hasn’t been because of the positive concern that others have for us.

I say all this to encourage you that while your life may be going 1,000 miles an hour, God doesn’t leave your side. He is still right by you, pushing through everything along the way. The God that we serve is more amazing than we could ever truly fathom. Entrusting everything into his hands is the sure way of getting through life happy. It’s the only way to get through happy, and you just aren’t happy but you have a deep rooted joy. A joy that you are never alone, a joy that makes this life worth living.

And for that I am thankful, thankful that He has given me my wildest dreams and will continue to do so throughout the rest of life. The joy instilled in me is overwhelming at times and it is like nothing else in this world. I love Him, and this love I have grows daily. Through experiences like the one I am going through, I love him all the more because He is taking care of so much.

“Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.” John 14:27