Archive for July, 2011

July 28, 2011

blur/focus

]last night i worshipped at murray hill with ascend the hill, had encouraging conversations with musicians and leaders. william prayed with his friend, joel, and heard some really encouraging words. in the less than 24 hours (okay, maybe it’s been a little bit of a longer process), i’ve felt completely reassured. i’m still uncomfortable with hell, it’s hits tons of nerves and i’ve more to study. but the way i’ve been pushing away my desire to worship, my wanting to speak to God and sit in his presence…isn’t necessarily what i want to be doing.

i believe we are always moving forward with God, no steps are considered backwards. i don’t find myself questioning his existence or trying to reason him out of my life. i just want to know the depths of what i believe, to be able to explain to a person who may ask me why i live this way. and last night i felt the reassurance in my belief.

it was one of those nights when you face your fears, you face your questions and your doubts. the night where it’s uncomfortable at first, because you’ve closed yourself off for a brief moment and seem to be opening yourself up again. but i broke through the thickness of questions that have not left me alone. the ones that have brought me to tears and left me unsettled. but i focused on JESUS, sang words that naturally came out of my mouth and left with the JOY that he gives.


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July 20, 2011

obsessed

 

…major girl crush!

July 19, 2011

tuesday in pictures




July 18, 2011

paper fox

paper has always been a favorite of mine. i want to learn to make it, i collect all types in all forms, in every color and every texture. so much can be made from paper and it’s the easiest way to channel my ideas.

recently i’ve been working on stationary for the etsy shop, the fox shoppe, and i’ve mustered up the courage to put them up for sale. at simply $4 a card, i feel good about my little creations. carefully crafted with a small pen and watercolors, i put forth the best effort in each one. there are 10 in the shop, with more to come.


you can find them here.

July 15, 2011

i see no color

yesterday whilst at camp, one of the girls said “this must be a black girls camp” with a look of disgust on her face. imagine mind as its racing to find the right words to say, refraining from bopping the little one on the head. arose the various proceeding comments, “wow! you’re so racist!”,”did you hear what she said?”, “ms. jen! do something!” i told the girls to calm down, everything would be okay and i would have a much needed conversation with the one who voiced such comment.

i completely forget that there are still people who have a negative view of different colored people. once in a while i get the typical “she’s mexican” comment about myself and it always catches me off guard.

i see no color.

i’m a hispanic woman married to a caucasian man, and when i look at pictures i don’t see anything different. i walk into a room of mostly black girls and don’t see a difference in any of us.

we all bleed the same color.

so when i’m looked at for comfort and rescue in such events, i feel obligated to erase the lines that have been made. a sensitive subject and wanting to just say the right words and hear an, “i understand exactly what you mean.” but that’s not reality.

there are people who still feel superior, their race is better than others and it’s an act of hate, that cannot be denied.

i want to end this post with a “let’s unite! let’s fight!” sentence but it seems petty. at the same time it’s not, this is just a reminder to you and i both that we need to live aware of the evil things in this world and stand for what is right, to whom ever, wherever.

July 14, 2011

sleeping boy + pup

our morning was quiet before getting ready for the day. woke up and made coffee, scrambled two eggs together and read the beginning of francis chan’s new book. when it was time to get ready, i silently walked into the bedroom and walked into the sweetest moment. appa was curled under william, his breathing more rapid’s than will’s, but in a deep sleep none the less.

…and the sweet moment quickly ended when ap decided to pee on the corner of the bed.

July 12, 2011

reminder:

 

via revelment

July 11, 2011

the day we made a fort

// thank you for all the sweet responses on my last post. i’m so thankful my words reached many of you, it motivates me to continue writing and sharing my life with all of you. //

there are few emotional pains i experience often, the dominate one being away from my family. let me not sound so melodramatic here, there’s plenty in the memory bank to look back on when i’m missing them the most. like last month when i went home for two and a half weeks to babysit the twins. the last few days i was there we built a fort, complete with white christmas lights and plenty of teddy bears to smother our faces in.

at the mention of building a fort, mia and donnie jumped up and started looking for blankets. they would jump down the stairs, throw me their findings and continue searching for more. when the base was built, we strung lights all around the “ceiling.”  they insisted on making signs to display, with phrases like “please give us your money” and “only boys and girls allowed.” their giddiness was such a thrill! they wanted to invite their friends over but it ended up only being us in this little tent.

when night came around, we settled inside, read a bed story or two and it was lights out. mia was restless, as she tossed and turned so did everything else. she lasted only 20 minutes inside before laying on the couch with me. several hours later, i woke up to both of them on the couch with me. when donnie woke up, he told me how scared he was waking up in the fort with neither of us around.

the fort lasted throughout the weekend even though we never had a full nights sleep inside. hands down one of the best memories i have with them. it comes to mind whenever i’m feeling a little down for not having seen them in awhile.

so much love in that fort.

//

July 10, 2011

i love being a lady

there’s a special feeling i get inside when i feel like a lady. those days when i dress entirely the way i please, the only makeup on my face is a swipe of coral lipstick and the cults are blaring loudly from my iphone. or even the nights when i put on a bright skirt and straighten my hair, hop in the car and let william treat me to our favorite dinner. let’s not leave out the nights when my husband comes home to find me in yoga pants and a sweater, curled up watching a totally gushy movie that would otherwise make his brain rot.

i accept that i am weaker than my husband. i like that he’s my protector, when i lie in his arms i feel as if nothing can hurt me. my self-esteem soars when he acts as if though he’s never seen me naked, every time i undress. i’m his gem, nothing can take my place.

i love being a lady.

i’m not bound to the idea that i have to be a stay at home wife, or that i need to be the world’s best cook with dinner on the table ready for my husband when he comes home. i’m not bound to the idea that only women do the laundry and sweep the floors while the men plop on the couch or mow the lawn. no way.

william gives me freedom to express myself through whichever creative outlet i choose for the moment. we share everything, including household duties. he entertains the ever-changing ideas i have about life, treating every thought i have as brilliant.

this all has to do with being a lady because i have the freedom to be who i am and do what i please. when i have a tough week, i’m allowed to drink a bottle of coke and eat pizza all weekend. i’m allowed to change my nail color to go with my outfit as many times as i want. i’m allowed to listen to only death cab the entire week and wear the same pair of shorts day after day.

being a lady isn’t about wearing our heels and learning to bake the perfect pie. it’s about embracing the person within us and not being afraid to do things differently.

it’s about knowing we are valuable and not accepting anyone to treat us any other way. i’m more than “what so & so thinks,” i’m more than the mistake i keep repeating. i have a lot to offer and will treat myself as so.

as much as we hate those overly emotional moments, we need them. i need the awkward conversations, i need the burnt dinners, i need the moments i feel like crying. they make us more sure of who we are, they add an inch to who we are making us stand taller than before.

i love being a lady because i’m not bound to anything, i’m not obligated to be anything but myself.

July 6, 2011

appa guiseppe

here is the story of our furry little friend:
(he’s AKC, nbd.)


we have some wonderful people in our life named The Moores,
they felt it in their hearts to give us this sweet shnauzer pup.
their son has a white one and they knew how much i loved him
even spending just a mere hour with him. a month later, william
shot their wedding and that same day they told us they wanted to
give us a little puppy of our own. we quickly accepted him and
seven weeks later he is sitting to my right, sleeping and his little
quick breaths have been completely attached to him already. he’s
entirely sweet, pees everywhere and tries to chew on my hand every
chance he gets, but he fits right into our little life.

my life is so “jonathan safran foer” right now. never liking dogs,
and suddenly falling in love with just one and it’s just been a
domino effect with animals. it’s so weird, maybe it’s the haircut?

while we’re house-sitting, we’re also dog-sitting olive + oskar again.
i anticipated olive to try and wrestle him because she’s from the streets
and i was afraid of their interaction. but she stays away from him, it’s
really interesting. i’ve found her hiding behind the couch, in weird
corners and always wanting to outside now. i guess she hates kids.
oskar comes over, sniffs appa, walks away but keeps an eye on ‘im.

it’s all really new and really great.
i might even let him sleep in our bed tonight…
who have i become? 

❤ special thanks again to the moores ❤