blur/focus

]last night i worshipped at murray hill with ascend the hill, had encouraging conversations with musicians and leaders. william prayed with his friend, joel, and heard some really encouraging words. in the less than 24 hours (okay, maybe it’s been a little bit of a longer process), i’ve felt completely reassured. i’m still uncomfortable with hell, it’s hits tons of nerves and i’ve more to study. but the way i’ve been pushing away my desire to worship, my wanting to speak to God and sit in his presence…isn’t necessarily what i want to be doing.

i believe we are always moving forward with God, no steps are considered backwards. i don’t find myself questioning his existence or trying to reason him out of my life. i just want to know the depths of what i believe, to be able to explain to a person who may ask me why i live this way. and last night i felt the reassurance in my belief.

it was one of those nights when you face your fears, you face your questions and your doubts. the night where it’s uncomfortable at first, because you’ve closed yourself off for a brief moment and seem to be opening yourself up again. but i broke through the thickness of questions that have not left me alone. the ones that have brought me to tears and left me unsettled. but i focused on JESUS, sang words that naturally came out of my mouth and left with the JOY that he gives.


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